Missing out on my girls

I feel like I have been so consumed in surviving the first few weeks of this pregnancy, that I haven't enjoyed the two beautiful girls already here. I have had a great last week, despite the exhaustion.

I got to visit with a dear friend that moved to oregon a few times. It was so nice to see her, and her daughter's beautiful smiling face. I was so excited to be with them that I completely forgot to take photos of them. Fail. The girl's had fun playing with Maya at the park, and I had a great time eating spinich and feta quiche, despite the tornados. I just hope she and her family find happiness wherever they end up...although I would be lieing if I said that I hope it is in Oregon. She makes me smile, and I admire her so much. I think the most beautiful thing is watching her grow into a mother, and its hard to see that when she lives across the country.

We went to fright night downtown. It is so nice when Fort Wayne makes use of the downtown potential.... we enjoy it everytime. The girls had fun dressing up in thier costumes and seeing our friends Lish, Matt, and thier beautiful girls, but at the same time, were pretty terrified of the large concentration of zombies. Still nice to get out and about with my loves.

Ruby got her first love note this week as well. I opened her bookbag to find two color line drawings with the name "Elliot" in a heart on the back. When I asked Ruby what they were, she said, "well....he likes me.....and I like his art." I guess I can live with that. Either way, childhood crushes are about the cutest thing in the world. It takes me back to the playground as a child, chasing the boys....

I am 7 weeks 4 days along today....still a long way off. Still making it through. My morning naps make all the difference in the world. I can't wait to feel the first kick...

Until then, I plan to enjoy lots of moments with just my girls.

will this exhaustion end?

i am tired.
beyond tired.
like there is a fleet of baby elephants dangling from my eyelids all day.
like i am taken a handful of ambien.
Nothing I do fixes this... no matter how much I sleep, or if I fit in a nap, I am still tired.
On the plus side, there is no morning sickness yet, so I guess it is better to be tired than it is to get sick all day.
It amazes me how this pregnancy is so different than the last two. With the girls I was sick all the time. I was a server at a resturaunt when I was pregnant with Delaney, and the constant changes of smells in food cooking and taking orders from customers of what they wanted to eat put my in the bathroom almost after every order. Ruby was different. I luckily stayed home with her pregnancy. The only downside was, Delaney was only 6 months old when I learned I was pregnant. This meant that every morning when she woke up screaming because she was hungry, I stood over the sink making a bottle and feeding her, and puking down the drain....EVERY MORNING. That was horrible.
When I decided to have another, I was so worried about the sickness again. But this time... there is none. Just extreme exhaustion, and extreme breast tenderness.
My mind can't help but wonder sometimes, why this pregnancy is so different? Has there been such a gap between kids that my body is reacting different? Is something wrong with this pregnancy? Are my hormones responding right to this one? Is this little one I am carrying a boy?
My first doctor's appointment is on November 18th. I have to wait another 3 weeks before I find out if I am ok.... if the baby is ok. Such a long wait. Why do they not want to see me before 10 weeks pregnant....don't they understand that there is such a huge thing happening with me?
I would think with my third one, I would have my shit together....but I don't. It has been so long that I feel like this is my first one all over again. What am I doing?

Another week done.

Yesterday marked being 6 weeks pregnant for me. Still so early! With my girls this is the week I found out my life was changing... so I feel lucky to have been able to enjoy these extra two weeks knowing. Even though most people know by now, it is as though I have this little secret growing inside me, and it is wonderful. I am still feeling well despite the extreme exhaustion. I feel that at any moment, I could close my eyes and fall asleep. I start out strong in the morning, but by 11, I need a rest. Hopefully soon I will regain some sort of energy because keeping up with a three and four year old takes a lot.

My little one looks like this:

Baby is finally starting to look like a baby.

She is half the size of a baby pea.

Dark spots are forming that will soon be eyes.

Indentations on the sides of the head will be ears.

Tiny buds will soon be arms and legs.

The most amazing thing of all is that there is a heartbeat....she is real.

My pants are feeling a little tighter. My jeans are feeling uncomfortable around the waist...but I can still button them. I have decided to opt for my cotton yoga pants..most days of the week.

Everything aside...I am thrilled everyday to get to wake up and be pregnant. I cannot wait for everyday to begin, because I am one more closer to meet out new little one. I wonder what this one will be like? Will they be sensitive like Delaney? Will they a natural center of attention like Ruby? Will they be structured like Jon? Or will they be a tender heart...like me?

Lakeside Park

what a beautiful day for the park today.

had a wonderful time with jon and the girls.

inspiration for nursery

Love.

Good Morning.

These peaceful mornings are doing good things for my soul.

I am still feeling wonderful today. With no morning sickness yet, I can't help but wonder how little one is doing. After two extrememly sick pregnancies, I can tell that this one feels so different. Is the pregnancy just different? Or is something wrong? There is so much fear the first few months of pregnancy. With something so delicate...anything can go wrong. All I can do is hope for a healthy baby, and that everything is ok. It this one is easy though, I will be extremely thankful.

5 weeks and 3 days today.

Looking forward to a day of creating with my girls. I have tissue paper ghosts planned to make and hang around the house. I love having the time to sit and watch my girls make things. Children's curiosity and imagination amaze me. It is boundless.

I am very thankful this morning to be a stay at home mom. My husband gives me this gift so graciously and I love him so much for this. He is the most unselfish man I have ever met. I am the luckiest woman in the world.

Front Porch Pics

I love my front porch.

I love my daughters.

Fall Crafts

The Final Pregnancy

Knowing this is my final time being pregnant changes the way I look at this pregnancy. I want it to slow down a little... this is the last time I will ever be 5 weeks and 2 days pregnant. I cherish every little tenderness and twinge. I don't want it to end. This is what the little one looks like:

hard to believe this is going to grow into anything resembling a child. Some hilights of what is going on this week...
1. first signs of heartbeat begin.
2. umbilical cord develops
3. baby's blood is now pumping
4. most other organs start to develop
5. arm and leg buds appear

How amazing. I am so in love with this experience.

Oh my how life is changing.

I checked my blog today and noticed that I haven't made an entry since June. Yikes.

I am thinking it is a good time to start keeping a collection of my thoughts again becuase I am in for a wonderful change.

Jon and I have been talking for the last few years about expanding our family. Our minds were always set to no, but our hearts proved to have different ideas of thier own. Our baby, Ruby turned three in June. With this, I started realizing that I wasn't ready for this phase of my life to be over. I missed everything about being pregnant and being a new mother. I missed holding my babies, and being proud of all the new accomplishments. I yearned for another child.

The girls went off to preschool this august and it broke my heart. I started to feel less needed and empty. I knew that something was missing...and after months of talking it over, we decided that the missing piece was another child. Our family was great the way it was, and we are so lucky get to be Delaney and Ruby's parents, but it was time to add another member.

So, September was the month to try. I took two tests on September 29th with faint lines on both. I took two more tests on October 1st....and this is the result.

The little plus on the left means positive. Both tests turned out this way. If calculations are correct, then today i am 5 weeks and 1 day.

and so this begins....im am so happy...