Crusing Right Along...

Tomorrow I will be 9 weeks pregnant. I am not sure what happened to the last 5 weeks knowing, but I do know that the next 5 weeks will go just as fast. I remember being pregnant with the girls around the holidays, that it went so fast. The months of November and December barely existed in the pregnancies. I am sure that I will blink a few times and wake up the first week of January after all the hustle is over and find myself 17 weeks....almost half way and wonder where it has gone. So, I will take these last couple weeks before the madness begins and live in the calm.

I am showing now... I think by the third pregnancy, my body is a master at giving way, so maternity clothes it is! Note: I loathe maternity clothes. Sure, there are some cute ones out there...but only the ones that don't appear to be maternity. I am just not a fan. You will find me in black cotton yoga pants and a cotton shirt and cardigan from here on out.
We had family photos taken a couple weeks ago, and they turned out beautiful. As soon as I get the CD, I will make sure and post them... sifting through them has made me realize how old my girls are getting, and how absolutely beautiful they are becoming. Not cute toddlers, but gorgeous girls.
Ruby brought home a couple love letters last week from her admirer at school. Elliot. An older man in kindergarten, 2 years older than her. I bumped into him and his parents at parent teacher conferences and his mom explained to me that he talks about her at home all the time and is enamored by blonde haired blue eyed girls. Personally, I think it is cute and harmless, but Jon is less then enthused. He already is the protective father... it is so cute how he worries about the girls...and wants to protect them. A boy on the playground that seems a little to interested in the girls gets a watchful eye from him. It is heartwarming...but at the same time, I know that I started having crushes when I was young like them...always interested in winning the affections from the cute boys on the playground. And I am sure Jon was a little Romeo as a child. Harmless crushes are normal for young children.
Please send positive energy my way. We found out that my dear Aunt Jean, who has been nothing less than a mother to my mom and a grandma to me has bone cancer. I am asking for vibes of pain control. Bone cancer can be such a painful end, that it just scares me. Death is horrible...something I do not understand about living. And especially death from horrible cancers... screw you cancer.

Missing out on my girls

I feel like I have been so consumed in surviving the first few weeks of this pregnancy, that I haven't enjoyed the two beautiful girls already here. I have had a great last week, despite the exhaustion.

I got to visit with a dear friend that moved to oregon a few times. It was so nice to see her, and her daughter's beautiful smiling face. I was so excited to be with them that I completely forgot to take photos of them. Fail. The girl's had fun playing with Maya at the park, and I had a great time eating spinich and feta quiche, despite the tornados. I just hope she and her family find happiness wherever they end up...although I would be lieing if I said that I hope it is in Oregon. She makes me smile, and I admire her so much. I think the most beautiful thing is watching her grow into a mother, and its hard to see that when she lives across the country.

We went to fright night downtown. It is so nice when Fort Wayne makes use of the downtown potential.... we enjoy it everytime. The girls had fun dressing up in thier costumes and seeing our friends Lish, Matt, and thier beautiful girls, but at the same time, were pretty terrified of the large concentration of zombies. Still nice to get out and about with my loves.

Ruby got her first love note this week as well. I opened her bookbag to find two color line drawings with the name "Elliot" in a heart on the back. When I asked Ruby what they were, she said, "well....he likes me.....and I like his art." I guess I can live with that. Either way, childhood crushes are about the cutest thing in the world. It takes me back to the playground as a child, chasing the boys....

I am 7 weeks 4 days along today....still a long way off. Still making it through. My morning naps make all the difference in the world. I can't wait to feel the first kick...

Until then, I plan to enjoy lots of moments with just my girls.

will this exhaustion end?

i am tired.
beyond tired.
like there is a fleet of baby elephants dangling from my eyelids all day.
like i am taken a handful of ambien.
Nothing I do fixes this... no matter how much I sleep, or if I fit in a nap, I am still tired.
On the plus side, there is no morning sickness yet, so I guess it is better to be tired than it is to get sick all day.
It amazes me how this pregnancy is so different than the last two. With the girls I was sick all the time. I was a server at a resturaunt when I was pregnant with Delaney, and the constant changes of smells in food cooking and taking orders from customers of what they wanted to eat put my in the bathroom almost after every order. Ruby was different. I luckily stayed home with her pregnancy. The only downside was, Delaney was only 6 months old when I learned I was pregnant. This meant that every morning when she woke up screaming because she was hungry, I stood over the sink making a bottle and feeding her, and puking down the drain....EVERY MORNING. That was horrible.
When I decided to have another, I was so worried about the sickness again. But this time... there is none. Just extreme exhaustion, and extreme breast tenderness.
My mind can't help but wonder sometimes, why this pregnancy is so different? Has there been such a gap between kids that my body is reacting different? Is something wrong with this pregnancy? Are my hormones responding right to this one? Is this little one I am carrying a boy?
My first doctor's appointment is on November 18th. I have to wait another 3 weeks before I find out if I am ok.... if the baby is ok. Such a long wait. Why do they not want to see me before 10 weeks pregnant....don't they understand that there is such a huge thing happening with me?
I would think with my third one, I would have my shit together....but I don't. It has been so long that I feel like this is my first one all over again. What am I doing?

Another week done.

Yesterday marked being 6 weeks pregnant for me. Still so early! With my girls this is the week I found out my life was changing... so I feel lucky to have been able to enjoy these extra two weeks knowing. Even though most people know by now, it is as though I have this little secret growing inside me, and it is wonderful. I am still feeling well despite the extreme exhaustion. I feel that at any moment, I could close my eyes and fall asleep. I start out strong in the morning, but by 11, I need a rest. Hopefully soon I will regain some sort of energy because keeping up with a three and four year old takes a lot.

My little one looks like this:

Baby is finally starting to look like a baby.

She is half the size of a baby pea.

Dark spots are forming that will soon be eyes.

Indentations on the sides of the head will be ears.

Tiny buds will soon be arms and legs.

The most amazing thing of all is that there is a heartbeat....she is real.

My pants are feeling a little tighter. My jeans are feeling uncomfortable around the waist...but I can still button them. I have decided to opt for my cotton yoga pants..most days of the week.

Everything aside...I am thrilled everyday to get to wake up and be pregnant. I cannot wait for everyday to begin, because I am one more closer to meet out new little one. I wonder what this one will be like? Will they be sensitive like Delaney? Will they a natural center of attention like Ruby? Will they be structured like Jon? Or will they be a tender heart...like me?

Lakeside Park

what a beautiful day for the park today.

had a wonderful time with jon and the girls.

inspiration for nursery

Love.

Good Morning.

These peaceful mornings are doing good things for my soul.

I am still feeling wonderful today. With no morning sickness yet, I can't help but wonder how little one is doing. After two extrememly sick pregnancies, I can tell that this one feels so different. Is the pregnancy just different? Or is something wrong? There is so much fear the first few months of pregnancy. With something so delicate...anything can go wrong. All I can do is hope for a healthy baby, and that everything is ok. It this one is easy though, I will be extremely thankful.

5 weeks and 3 days today.

Looking forward to a day of creating with my girls. I have tissue paper ghosts planned to make and hang around the house. I love having the time to sit and watch my girls make things. Children's curiosity and imagination amaze me. It is boundless.

I am very thankful this morning to be a stay at home mom. My husband gives me this gift so graciously and I love him so much for this. He is the most unselfish man I have ever met. I am the luckiest woman in the world.

Front Porch Pics

I love my front porch.

I love my daughters.

Fall Crafts

The Final Pregnancy

Knowing this is my final time being pregnant changes the way I look at this pregnancy. I want it to slow down a little... this is the last time I will ever be 5 weeks and 2 days pregnant. I cherish every little tenderness and twinge. I don't want it to end. This is what the little one looks like:

hard to believe this is going to grow into anything resembling a child. Some hilights of what is going on this week...
1. first signs of heartbeat begin.
2. umbilical cord develops
3. baby's blood is now pumping
4. most other organs start to develop
5. arm and leg buds appear

How amazing. I am so in love with this experience.

Oh my how life is changing.

I checked my blog today and noticed that I haven't made an entry since June. Yikes.

I am thinking it is a good time to start keeping a collection of my thoughts again becuase I am in for a wonderful change.

Jon and I have been talking for the last few years about expanding our family. Our minds were always set to no, but our hearts proved to have different ideas of thier own. Our baby, Ruby turned three in June. With this, I started realizing that I wasn't ready for this phase of my life to be over. I missed everything about being pregnant and being a new mother. I missed holding my babies, and being proud of all the new accomplishments. I yearned for another child.

The girls went off to preschool this august and it broke my heart. I started to feel less needed and empty. I knew that something was missing...and after months of talking it over, we decided that the missing piece was another child. Our family was great the way it was, and we are so lucky get to be Delaney and Ruby's parents, but it was time to add another member.

So, September was the month to try. I took two tests on September 29th with faint lines on both. I took two more tests on October 1st....and this is the result.

The little plus on the left means positive. Both tests turned out this way. If calculations are correct, then today i am 5 weeks and 1 day.

and so this begins....im am so happy...

in bloom.

i feel so alive lately. its definately one of the times in my cycle that i am feel very intensely, the world. i have had so many great conversations with family and friends, inspired by great music, watched my garden bloom, felt a clarity with my work, and a deeper connection with my husband. its been a glorious month so far. i am enjoying...and never want the day to end.

i am one of those people that gets so completely swept up in a moment. i feeeeeel....i am so sensitive to the thoughts and feelings of those around me, and find myself completely consumed with a moment, that the weight of it, can literally crush me. i daydream to the point of being lost in own head. when i think of what it means to be alive....i cant begin to handle it...being alive? really? what does this mean? and why do i get to do it? i tend to be an introvert, not only because of my social anxiety, but just because i spend most of my time locked away in myself. i dont even know where i am sometimes. i feel silly and childish, but at the same time, proud of the fact that i will never loose that endless imagination, and horribly saddend by the fact that it is possible.

i am a silly heart.

but the thing that i am most proud of this is, i know it about myself. i have taken the time to discover these things about myself...read my actions and thoughts, and be proud of them. its ok to be these things, but with great balance. the downside? i accomplish little in the idea of tangible tasks. i never keep my house clean, make a complete meal, finish the laundry, complete a sewing project, or pay bills early. it is impossible for me. it makes my skin crawl. i drift from one task to another, without the littlest idea of how to accomplish them.

my to do lists rarely involve housekeeping. they revolve around... hug the kids, make a craft, tell my husband i love him, tell a friend i am thankful for them, tell a joke, tell someone they are beautiful, lend a hand, help, cherish, smile, laugh, act rediculous. these are the real things i want to accomplish in a day. these are things that make me feel calm while counting my blessings before i sleep. so, my days are spent trying to find a balance, but it is SO hard.

what will wake me up? i have spent years waiting for this pivital moment where i will feel like i will become an adult. but when i think of an adult, of think of a man in a suit with a straight face. i never want to grow up. i want to stay this six year old child for the rest of my life. is this ok? even after falling in love, getting married, becoming a mother, and buying a home, i still feel like i need to pinch myself.

who gave this child all this responsiblity?

could have been a better day...

well, today wasn't the best day ever, despite my efforts to get out of the house and see something new.
i was successful at picking out a few hardwood doors from a man who fixes up houses in west central neighborhood. the doors are so beautiful and show such age. my wish is to hang them vertically on the fence and build planter boxes on them to house my herb and small vegetable garden. i am excited about this. all i have to do now, is arrange a pick up with a large enough vehicle to haul them. what a wonderful project.
i decided today to try and challenge my sewing capabilities. i have been looking for a few new summer items and have turned up empty handed. everything for sale right now seems such like a throw back to the 80s and i have no desire to go down that path again. every item is littered with sequins, chains, and busy patterns. when it comes to fashion i like to keep things simple. solid colors, and flattering lines seem to do me well. i love cotton and comfortable clothes that i can feel feminine and pretty in, but do the laundry in at the same time. i have decided that i want to get back to wearing dresses this summer. i used to wear long cotton skirts most days, and always felt perfect in them. then came the maternity clothes phase in my life, where everything felt frumpy. after living that out for a few years, i felt like i lost touch with clothing in general. i am now becoming sure of what i like to wear again. so, i went to joanns and picked up a pattern for a simple dress. its a high waisted, slightly gathered, comfortable looking dress. it is something that i can see myself being at the park in...because being outside in the summer seems to happen most days. and....i hate being hot. i am nothing short of a miserable person when i get overheated. so, we will see what this venture turns out. hopefully something that i can be proud of. id like to make 5, and wear them most days of the week. what is more perfect that a wonderful summer dress and a pair of sandals?
the twist that made this day a negative one, is my children. today, i felt like an inadequate mother. my kids have been extremely challenging this last week. they have been coming up with really mean, and hateful things to say to each other, and to me. i have had play dates this week, and have been so disappointed in their words, and actions. i know that i have tried really hard to instill a sense of thankfulness, and awareness of other's feelings. this week, they have not exhibited it at all. i am currently trying to figure out what has been causing this hostility, and what i can do to remove this, so i can have my kind, patient, and generous girls back. i do miss them dearly.
another bad result of the chaotic day.....a haircut and a black permanent marker. i spent nearly two hours this evening cleaning the girls room. i sorted all the little toys...petshop animals and their accessories, my little ponies, rubber princess dolls, and dresses, dress up clothes, necklaces, hair ties, clothes....and had to rid the room of any unnecessary items for the garage sale this weekend. i also swept and shampooed the carpets. their rooms were immaculate. upon loosing myself in the whirlwind of cleaning, i discovered that i had not seen the girls for a good 15 min. so, it was time to investigate. and, i found them. sitting under my cutting table in my studio. ruby was drawing all over delaney's face, hands, and feet with black permanent marker, and delaney was giving ruby a quite boyish looking haircut. this made me furious! but honestly, being the mother i am, out of shock, i couldn't contain my smile. there has been numerous occasions in the last few weeks, where they have gotten ahold or markers and scissors, and had a very serious talks about these problems....and i couldn't believe that they would pull something like this. so tomorrow i will spend fixing ruby's hair by giving her quite a short haircut, and scrubbing marker off of delaney. i was just too exhausted after the day to tackle such a feat. hopefully no one will mistake ruby for a boy when i am done with her.
so, this is the point in the day, where i must reflect, see what i did right, and bask in it, and try to repeat it the next day, and also figure out where i faulted, and try to change that behavior into something more productive tomorrow.
all i know is, that im ready to have my husband home again. its day number 5 without him. i could use a second pair of hands, and second set of patience, and a sounding board to figure out my day.
tonight my cousin jaime is coming over. we are going to stay up late and drink some wine, and try to refresh ourselves for the brand new day that is inevitably coming.

too long of a while....

my ideas of having a fully functioning blog, for some reason, still alludes me. i read so many others, and wonder how they keep up on theirs so well. i find blogs so lovely. its as if sometimes, you are peeking in someone else's diary. i love that level of intimacy. its not on a regular basis that i would happen to talk about things that deep in a casual conversation with a friend on any given day.

so, thank goodness for blogs. they are one of those things that i just can't get enough of.

i feel so very alive in this moment. in the cycle of my awareness...it doesn't get much more intense than this. i think what triggers this, is my connection to creating things. seeing something beautiful coming from my hands makes me feel such a sense of purpose. this can translate into anything....sewing..crafting with the girls...a healthy marriage....and the most beautiful thing of all, my children. i think they are the most wonderful things i have ever created.

my sewing machine is speaking such inspiring words to me. feeling in tune with it, is...magical. sometimes i will sit and make things, and feel inept with managing the simplest things, and other times, i feel like everything that comes from it is gold.

i remember last summer having a good conversation with a new friend in my backyard who is a master of her medium. she spoke to me about redefining her artistic message. this began me on the path to finding mine. such a simple idea. everything you create, you are speaking through it. what am i trying to say with my items? are they speaking through the heart? and showcasing that in life which inspires me? i had never thought much about this. i just made things i felt were pleasing to the eye, but never felt much of owning them. this new lease on my creative journey, made me feel much more tied and involved in the things that i was making. which then made my items have much more purpose. since then, i have felt a oneness with my wares. its a direct translation of what i think is beautiful, and of the things that exist that move me.

another reason i have felt so good, is finding people to share the particular medium i work in. i have had times in the past, that i felt so archaic working with a sewing machine. i remember telling a few people that, yes, i did in fact stay home on a Saturday night and i sewed. not a whole lot of reactions from the people in my life may me feel supported. 'really? you know how to sew? who does that anymore?' but in the last 6 months i have met a whole new group of people that find that it is completely normal to own a sewing machine, and have the same passion as i do when it comes to creating things with it. i am so in LOVE with this moment. stumbling across this has seemed so monumental to me. the feeling of acceptance does wonders for my self esteem. having connections with people that share this love...just makes my heart super happy.

so, for all of these things, i feel that i am finding my creative voice. everyday i see something new that i try and translate into fabric. and each day, i engage in a solid, inspiring conversation with my sewing machine and new friends that make me feel so wonderful about it.

yay for my life right now.

yay for my sewing machine.

yoga...and longing....

so, i am loving yoga. tonight is my third class, and its simply amazing. i feel such a connection with my body, which is something i have lost having my children. most of my moments through the day consist of living for someone other than me, that i enjoy the selfish moments of yoga. i am learning a lot about how important it is to pay attention to my breathing. how breathing deep and evenly is so healing. im looking forward to tonight to reconnect with myself, breathe deeply, and work my buns off. im still in awe of how i can be standing in one position, with all muscles engaged, and be working out so intesely, without moving. its amazing. if you have never tried yoga, i highly suggest it.

tonight is also night number 6 without my husband. im having a hard time with this... it is making my apprecitation for single mothers soar. he will be off work for two days, and then will be back to work for 6 more days. i prefer days, because sleeping alone in bed is something i dont think i will ever get used to. i lay there for hours, with this feeling of waiting....but nothing happens, no one comes home....and im up at 3am, trying to convince myself that sleep is so important, but its next to impossible.

i admire my husband so much. i am thankful for him. i am lucky that i get to share the rest of my life with him. i just wish he was here! but, even tho its cliche, absence does make the heart grow fonder. when he is home....my how much i celebrate him!

but, onto a few more loads of laundry, and then off to yoga. hopefully i will come home balanced and calm and connected so that i can sleep.

:)

i wore jeans...

Today was a day for laundry and play dates...and realization.

i felt very accomplished today...laundry is almost all done. all 9 loads of it. but i do know that when i wake up, there will be more, but it is just a small yay for me.

the girls and i had a play date with lish and her girls. im sure delaney and ruby enjoyed themselves, and i needed it too. i love getting together with other girls about their age. its so interesting to see my kids get so involved with pretending. it makes me remember playing like that. what happens to adults that make us loose this gift? i wish for one day that i could honestly think i was sleeping beauty...and i ate marshmallows all day and rode a horse named buttercup. how wonderful? what an awesome escape from reality. i think that people would be happier as a whole, that we had play time. take an hour an afternoon, dress up like a princess, or ninja...and get down. i know that it would be a welcome stress reliever.

i wore jeans today too. kind of amazing for me. most of the time, i just hang out around the house in yoga pants. im a large fan of comfort, so when im going out somewhere new, with jeans on...its a big deal. so, another yay for me.

i had so many conversations with lish tonight about the kids growing up. just around the corner comes school. i have these little moments in the day, with the fact that my kids are growing up, kind of slaps me in the face.

today it was....seeing ruby in lip gloss....

nothing too substantial...but for some reason it got to me today.

questions have been brought up by them over the last couple of weeks, that have been so hard to handle. the big thing going on with my family and friends lately has been divorce. try to explain that to a three year old that its possible for people to not be in love anymore was just devastating. its sad to see a small amount of beautiful ignorance leave everyday. i knew this was inevitable, but couldnt it last a little longer? the other thing delaney has gotten curious about lately is death. what?! and how does a three year old process death? we watched the movie Up not too long ago, and in the movie, the old man's wife passes away. she asked me what that meant, and i explained to her that sometimes when people get really old, and sick, and doctors cant fix them, then they die. although not extremely sure what it means to really not see anyone anymore, she made the connection that when you get old you die. 'oh' she says. about 10 min later, on our drive home, out of the blue, she burst into tears. i asked her what was wrong and she explained to me that grandpa told her tonight that he wears glasses because he is getting old, and his eyes dont work as well anymore. upon rethinking this, she decided that grandpa was getting old, and that meant he would die soon, so she was sobbing so hard, it was hard to calm her down. i didnt know what to say....comfort was obvious, trying to explain that my dad wasnt that old, and that she didnt have to worry about that for a long time. from there, i couldnt say much else, it was just a time for her to learn this lesson about life. sitting in the front seat, helplessly looking back at my daughter, watching her eyes as she processed this, she began to look older. why do sadness and learning age you? but being born is just as normal as dieing. this began time to explain to her the importance of living so completely everyday. this is next on my list.

now, the day is over, and im in the basement, having a glass of wine, and playing online euchre. its the time to clear my head, rejuvenate, and determine myself to get through tomorrow. lead by example, and inspire her to leave a positive legacy.

Today....

Yay for today!

yay interj. used as an exclamation of pleasure, approval, elation, or victory.

i woke up this morning feeling good about today...

do you remember that feeling that you get to buy back to school supplies? picking out your favorite crayola markers, and the 300+ count of crayola crayons...and the pretty new art box to keep them in? the smell of the fresh crayons when you open the box for the first time? choosing the folders that will hold your papers, hoping that lisa frank that the cute puppies and kitties come in 5 different variations for each your class? just so exciting!

i have that kind of anticipation about today.

nothing is too different today. but, it is filled with sewing, and cleaning, and organizing. i also have my first upholstery class tonight.

i am excited to get my studio in order. its hard for me to keep my madness in order. i know that this is a room in the house that belongs to me. and i love it...

the problem is that its hard for me to find time to be in there...and its hard to keep all my supplies in order. so...i bought bookshelves and bins and containers and baskets.... this should do it. i never put anything away because then, i forget that i have it. ive always been the one to spread everything out to see what i have, but that also gets things i lost, i suppose. either way,

organization+beautiful studio=inspiring space

i cant wait to claim the space back to create.

i have also had some hard conversations with the girls this last few weeks that has been heartbreaking parenting. it makes me realize how sad it is how fast real life hits kids in the face. explanations to follow...

so pretty...

I came across this room today, and fell in love.

Another Day is Done...

Today was a pretty uneventful day, but i was thankful for it anyway...

some days, i like to be lazy. i feel that on days that i have lots to do and feel accomplished, i also feel that those are days that i miss out on the girls. i have always had troubles with this. i need to learn balance in my life. i am an indulger...with an obsessive personality. i need to find a way to have days that i can cross things off my to do list, while spending ample time with my family. i will have a week or two when i am highly productive. the house stays clean, the laundry is caught up, and the dishes never sit in the sink. having this all done, i get to spend time in my studio. then there is the other side of me. the lazy side...everything gets backed up....i get embarrassed.

on the positive side, i got two more salon chairs done, dropped off, and two more picked up. the recovering process has been a long time coming, and it just feels good to have that off my shoulders. its amazing how much it changes the look of the salon to have fresh chairs.

i am signing up to take an upholstery class too. i am excited for this. it always is a confidence booster to learn a new skill. i have this little dream.... it would be wonderful someday to own my own boutique. i would sell furniture i have rescued, repainted, and reupholstered, giving it new life. home furnishings, such as handmade pillows, decorations from my collections, and have local artists' goods as well. pottery, paintings, photography, along with personal accessories. i would love this. a little homemade heaven.

we visited borders tonight. i have decided to try and take up reading again. i read so many childrens books in a day, i think its time to do the same for me. i picked up a book called 'Good without God'. i heard it was a good read, so we will see. what i really wanted to do was pick up a copy of Rhoad Dahl's the BFG, and pretend i was a kid again.

now im sitting with Bottlerocket on my chaise contemplating what to do next. cuddle with the kitty and a good book, or make a pot of coffee and get to work on some more chairs?

I have figured out what is essential to a properly written blog...

the answer is a laptop.

i heart blogging...

i think it started in third grade when i was given a Lisa Frank dolphin motif diary for a birthday. since then, i have found it integral to my well being when i can write in my diary. now instead of keeping it private, because it used to be filled with trivial secrets like first kisses and current crushes, i believe that life, being more substantial, is something i would like to share with people. and i have come to learn that handwriting takes to long for me... i will be honest, because i am so involved with making my handwriting 'look pretty' sometimes my ADD makes me loose focus on what i sat down to write about in the first place. so, i have found that a blog makes it all possible. maybe no one will read it.....maybe people will think im crazy.....maybe people will realize that i lack basic vocabulary and punctuation skills....and that i always over use the 'dot dot dots'...

but, anyway....

i used to sit in an uncomfortable wooden chair at an antique desk that my legs wouldnt fit under because the computer sat under there. i would have like to sit and think and contemplate, but i was too distracted by the mess in front of me to accomplish anything productive. but, now i have a laptop. i know that this may be a staple in your home by now, but its new to me! now, i can sit on the comfort of my sofa, or at the island in the kitchen with a cup of coffee....or even upstairs curled up in my bed...or in the basement.... uh...maze...ing.

now i just need some suggestions on blog aesthetics. part of the reason i love sifting through blogs is that i am amazed how much time an effort people put into making it look 'just right'. the properly placed photos...information box...banner.....paired with the painstaking process of compiling just the right set list of music to create the perfect mood for readers. it all adds to up to something just as wonderful to me then the words it contains. maybe its my obsession with the way things look. if i ever had to choose between blindness or deafness.....please take my ears. my eyes are always hungry...