could have been a better day...

well, today wasn't the best day ever, despite my efforts to get out of the house and see something new.
i was successful at picking out a few hardwood doors from a man who fixes up houses in west central neighborhood. the doors are so beautiful and show such age. my wish is to hang them vertically on the fence and build planter boxes on them to house my herb and small vegetable garden. i am excited about this. all i have to do now, is arrange a pick up with a large enough vehicle to haul them. what a wonderful project.
i decided today to try and challenge my sewing capabilities. i have been looking for a few new summer items and have turned up empty handed. everything for sale right now seems such like a throw back to the 80s and i have no desire to go down that path again. every item is littered with sequins, chains, and busy patterns. when it comes to fashion i like to keep things simple. solid colors, and flattering lines seem to do me well. i love cotton and comfortable clothes that i can feel feminine and pretty in, but do the laundry in at the same time. i have decided that i want to get back to wearing dresses this summer. i used to wear long cotton skirts most days, and always felt perfect in them. then came the maternity clothes phase in my life, where everything felt frumpy. after living that out for a few years, i felt like i lost touch with clothing in general. i am now becoming sure of what i like to wear again. so, i went to joanns and picked up a pattern for a simple dress. its a high waisted, slightly gathered, comfortable looking dress. it is something that i can see myself being at the park in...because being outside in the summer seems to happen most days. and....i hate being hot. i am nothing short of a miserable person when i get overheated. so, we will see what this venture turns out. hopefully something that i can be proud of. id like to make 5, and wear them most days of the week. what is more perfect that a wonderful summer dress and a pair of sandals?
the twist that made this day a negative one, is my children. today, i felt like an inadequate mother. my kids have been extremely challenging this last week. they have been coming up with really mean, and hateful things to say to each other, and to me. i have had play dates this week, and have been so disappointed in their words, and actions. i know that i have tried really hard to instill a sense of thankfulness, and awareness of other's feelings. this week, they have not exhibited it at all. i am currently trying to figure out what has been causing this hostility, and what i can do to remove this, so i can have my kind, patient, and generous girls back. i do miss them dearly.
another bad result of the chaotic day.....a haircut and a black permanent marker. i spent nearly two hours this evening cleaning the girls room. i sorted all the little toys...petshop animals and their accessories, my little ponies, rubber princess dolls, and dresses, dress up clothes, necklaces, hair ties, clothes....and had to rid the room of any unnecessary items for the garage sale this weekend. i also swept and shampooed the carpets. their rooms were immaculate. upon loosing myself in the whirlwind of cleaning, i discovered that i had not seen the girls for a good 15 min. so, it was time to investigate. and, i found them. sitting under my cutting table in my studio. ruby was drawing all over delaney's face, hands, and feet with black permanent marker, and delaney was giving ruby a quite boyish looking haircut. this made me furious! but honestly, being the mother i am, out of shock, i couldn't contain my smile. there has been numerous occasions in the last few weeks, where they have gotten ahold or markers and scissors, and had a very serious talks about these problems....and i couldn't believe that they would pull something like this. so tomorrow i will spend fixing ruby's hair by giving her quite a short haircut, and scrubbing marker off of delaney. i was just too exhausted after the day to tackle such a feat. hopefully no one will mistake ruby for a boy when i am done with her.
so, this is the point in the day, where i must reflect, see what i did right, and bask in it, and try to repeat it the next day, and also figure out where i faulted, and try to change that behavior into something more productive tomorrow.
all i know is, that im ready to have my husband home again. its day number 5 without him. i could use a second pair of hands, and second set of patience, and a sounding board to figure out my day.
tonight my cousin jaime is coming over. we are going to stay up late and drink some wine, and try to refresh ourselves for the brand new day that is inevitably coming.