Good Morning.

These peaceful mornings are doing good things for my soul.

I am still feeling wonderful today. With no morning sickness yet, I can't help but wonder how little one is doing. After two extrememly sick pregnancies, I can tell that this one feels so different. Is the pregnancy just different? Or is something wrong? There is so much fear the first few months of pregnancy. With something so delicate...anything can go wrong. All I can do is hope for a healthy baby, and that everything is ok. It this one is easy though, I will be extremely thankful.

5 weeks and 3 days today.

Looking forward to a day of creating with my girls. I have tissue paper ghosts planned to make and hang around the house. I love having the time to sit and watch my girls make things. Children's curiosity and imagination amaze me. It is boundless.

I am very thankful this morning to be a stay at home mom. My husband gives me this gift so graciously and I love him so much for this. He is the most unselfish man I have ever met. I am the luckiest woman in the world.

Front Porch Pics

I love my front porch.

I love my daughters.

Fall Crafts

The Final Pregnancy

Knowing this is my final time being pregnant changes the way I look at this pregnancy. I want it to slow down a little... this is the last time I will ever be 5 weeks and 2 days pregnant. I cherish every little tenderness and twinge. I don't want it to end. This is what the little one looks like:

hard to believe this is going to grow into anything resembling a child. Some hilights of what is going on this week...
1. first signs of heartbeat begin.
2. umbilical cord develops
3. baby's blood is now pumping
4. most other organs start to develop
5. arm and leg buds appear

How amazing. I am so in love with this experience.

Oh my how life is changing.

I checked my blog today and noticed that I haven't made an entry since June. Yikes.

I am thinking it is a good time to start keeping a collection of my thoughts again becuase I am in for a wonderful change.

Jon and I have been talking for the last few years about expanding our family. Our minds were always set to no, but our hearts proved to have different ideas of thier own. Our baby, Ruby turned three in June. With this, I started realizing that I wasn't ready for this phase of my life to be over. I missed everything about being pregnant and being a new mother. I missed holding my babies, and being proud of all the new accomplishments. I yearned for another child.

The girls went off to preschool this august and it broke my heart. I started to feel less needed and empty. I knew that something was missing...and after months of talking it over, we decided that the missing piece was another child. Our family was great the way it was, and we are so lucky get to be Delaney and Ruby's parents, but it was time to add another member.

So, September was the month to try. I took two tests on September 29th with faint lines on both. I took two more tests on October 1st....and this is the result.

The little plus on the left means positive. Both tests turned out this way. If calculations are correct, then today i am 5 weeks and 1 day.

and so this begins....im am so happy...

in bloom.

i feel so alive lately. its definately one of the times in my cycle that i am feel very intensely, the world. i have had so many great conversations with family and friends, inspired by great music, watched my garden bloom, felt a clarity with my work, and a deeper connection with my husband. its been a glorious month so far. i am enjoying...and never want the day to end.

i am one of those people that gets so completely swept up in a moment. i feeeeeel....i am so sensitive to the thoughts and feelings of those around me, and find myself completely consumed with a moment, that the weight of it, can literally crush me. i daydream to the point of being lost in own head. when i think of what it means to be alive....i cant begin to handle it...being alive? really? what does this mean? and why do i get to do it? i tend to be an introvert, not only because of my social anxiety, but just because i spend most of my time locked away in myself. i dont even know where i am sometimes. i feel silly and childish, but at the same time, proud of the fact that i will never loose that endless imagination, and horribly saddend by the fact that it is possible.

i am a silly heart.

but the thing that i am most proud of this is, i know it about myself. i have taken the time to discover these things about myself...read my actions and thoughts, and be proud of them. its ok to be these things, but with great balance. the downside? i accomplish little in the idea of tangible tasks. i never keep my house clean, make a complete meal, finish the laundry, complete a sewing project, or pay bills early. it is impossible for me. it makes my skin crawl. i drift from one task to another, without the littlest idea of how to accomplish them.

my to do lists rarely involve housekeeping. they revolve around... hug the kids, make a craft, tell my husband i love him, tell a friend i am thankful for them, tell a joke, tell someone they are beautiful, lend a hand, help, cherish, smile, laugh, act rediculous. these are the real things i want to accomplish in a day. these are things that make me feel calm while counting my blessings before i sleep. so, my days are spent trying to find a balance, but it is SO hard.

what will wake me up? i have spent years waiting for this pivital moment where i will feel like i will become an adult. but when i think of an adult, of think of a man in a suit with a straight face. i never want to grow up. i want to stay this six year old child for the rest of my life. is this ok? even after falling in love, getting married, becoming a mother, and buying a home, i still feel like i need to pinch myself.

who gave this child all this responsiblity?