Crusing Right Along...

Tomorrow I will be 9 weeks pregnant. I am not sure what happened to the last 5 weeks knowing, but I do know that the next 5 weeks will go just as fast. I remember being pregnant with the girls around the holidays, that it went so fast. The months of November and December barely existed in the pregnancies. I am sure that I will blink a few times and wake up the first week of January after all the hustle is over and find myself 17 weeks....almost half way and wonder where it has gone. So, I will take these last couple weeks before the madness begins and live in the calm.

I am showing now... I think by the third pregnancy, my body is a master at giving way, so maternity clothes it is! Note: I loathe maternity clothes. Sure, there are some cute ones out there...but only the ones that don't appear to be maternity. I am just not a fan. You will find me in black cotton yoga pants and a cotton shirt and cardigan from here on out.
We had family photos taken a couple weeks ago, and they turned out beautiful. As soon as I get the CD, I will make sure and post them... sifting through them has made me realize how old my girls are getting, and how absolutely beautiful they are becoming. Not cute toddlers, but gorgeous girls.
Ruby brought home a couple love letters last week from her admirer at school. Elliot. An older man in kindergarten, 2 years older than her. I bumped into him and his parents at parent teacher conferences and his mom explained to me that he talks about her at home all the time and is enamored by blonde haired blue eyed girls. Personally, I think it is cute and harmless, but Jon is less then enthused. He already is the protective father... it is so cute how he worries about the girls...and wants to protect them. A boy on the playground that seems a little to interested in the girls gets a watchful eye from him. It is heartwarming...but at the same time, I know that I started having crushes when I was young like them...always interested in winning the affections from the cute boys on the playground. And I am sure Jon was a little Romeo as a child. Harmless crushes are normal for young children.
Please send positive energy my way. We found out that my dear Aunt Jean, who has been nothing less than a mother to my mom and a grandma to me has bone cancer. I am asking for vibes of pain control. Bone cancer can be such a painful end, that it just scares me. Death is horrible...something I do not understand about living. And especially death from horrible cancers... screw you cancer.

Missing out on my girls

I feel like I have been so consumed in surviving the first few weeks of this pregnancy, that I haven't enjoyed the two beautiful girls already here. I have had a great last week, despite the exhaustion.

I got to visit with a dear friend that moved to oregon a few times. It was so nice to see her, and her daughter's beautiful smiling face. I was so excited to be with them that I completely forgot to take photos of them. Fail. The girl's had fun playing with Maya at the park, and I had a great time eating spinich and feta quiche, despite the tornados. I just hope she and her family find happiness wherever they end up...although I would be lieing if I said that I hope it is in Oregon. She makes me smile, and I admire her so much. I think the most beautiful thing is watching her grow into a mother, and its hard to see that when she lives across the country.

We went to fright night downtown. It is so nice when Fort Wayne makes use of the downtown potential.... we enjoy it everytime. The girls had fun dressing up in thier costumes and seeing our friends Lish, Matt, and thier beautiful girls, but at the same time, were pretty terrified of the large concentration of zombies. Still nice to get out and about with my loves.

Ruby got her first love note this week as well. I opened her bookbag to find two color line drawings with the name "Elliot" in a heart on the back. When I asked Ruby what they were, she said, "well....he likes me.....and I like his art." I guess I can live with that. Either way, childhood crushes are about the cutest thing in the world. It takes me back to the playground as a child, chasing the boys....

I am 7 weeks 4 days along today....still a long way off. Still making it through. My morning naps make all the difference in the world. I can't wait to feel the first kick...

Until then, I plan to enjoy lots of moments with just my girls.

will this exhaustion end?

i am tired.
beyond tired.
like there is a fleet of baby elephants dangling from my eyelids all day.
like i am taken a handful of ambien.
Nothing I do fixes this... no matter how much I sleep, or if I fit in a nap, I am still tired.
On the plus side, there is no morning sickness yet, so I guess it is better to be tired than it is to get sick all day.
It amazes me how this pregnancy is so different than the last two. With the girls I was sick all the time. I was a server at a resturaunt when I was pregnant with Delaney, and the constant changes of smells in food cooking and taking orders from customers of what they wanted to eat put my in the bathroom almost after every order. Ruby was different. I luckily stayed home with her pregnancy. The only downside was, Delaney was only 6 months old when I learned I was pregnant. This meant that every morning when she woke up screaming because she was hungry, I stood over the sink making a bottle and feeding her, and puking down the drain....EVERY MORNING. That was horrible.
When I decided to have another, I was so worried about the sickness again. But this time... there is none. Just extreme exhaustion, and extreme breast tenderness.
My mind can't help but wonder sometimes, why this pregnancy is so different? Has there been such a gap between kids that my body is reacting different? Is something wrong with this pregnancy? Are my hormones responding right to this one? Is this little one I am carrying a boy?
My first doctor's appointment is on November 18th. I have to wait another 3 weeks before I find out if I am ok.... if the baby is ok. Such a long wait. Why do they not want to see me before 10 weeks pregnant....don't they understand that there is such a huge thing happening with me?
I would think with my third one, I would have my shit together....but I don't. It has been so long that I feel like this is my first one all over again. What am I doing?

Another week done.

Yesterday marked being 6 weeks pregnant for me. Still so early! With my girls this is the week I found out my life was changing... so I feel lucky to have been able to enjoy these extra two weeks knowing. Even though most people know by now, it is as though I have this little secret growing inside me, and it is wonderful. I am still feeling well despite the extreme exhaustion. I feel that at any moment, I could close my eyes and fall asleep. I start out strong in the morning, but by 11, I need a rest. Hopefully soon I will regain some sort of energy because keeping up with a three and four year old takes a lot.

My little one looks like this:

Baby is finally starting to look like a baby.

She is half the size of a baby pea.

Dark spots are forming that will soon be eyes.

Indentations on the sides of the head will be ears.

Tiny buds will soon be arms and legs.

The most amazing thing of all is that there is a heartbeat....she is real.

My pants are feeling a little tighter. My jeans are feeling uncomfortable around the waist...but I can still button them. I have decided to opt for my cotton yoga pants..most days of the week.

Everything aside...I am thrilled everyday to get to wake up and be pregnant. I cannot wait for everyday to begin, because I am one more closer to meet out new little one. I wonder what this one will be like? Will they be sensitive like Delaney? Will they a natural center of attention like Ruby? Will they be structured like Jon? Or will they be a tender heart...like me?

Lakeside Park

what a beautiful day for the park today.

had a wonderful time with jon and the girls.

inspiration for nursery