please lucy?



Please Lucy? Please come out....You have been in there for 39 weeks and 5 days now.  Don't you think it is time to come out and greet the world? What are you waiting for?Mommy feels miserable.  I am trying to stay patient and calm, but honestly, I am feeling at my wit's end today. 

I have spent the last two pregnancies, labors, and deliveries, trusting my body, whole- heartedly.  I have listened, and responded.  I have been in pain, and breathed through it.  I have felt honored and have cherished the ability to carry healthy babies.  I know that part of being pregnant is having all kinds of worries and emotions, and I have worked really hard to work through them and stay in control of my fears.  Today though, I am feeling quite differently.  I am wondering if my body has forgotten how.  I have made it 3 weeks now, dilated to almost 4 cm, and 95% effaced, but for some reason, I am missing the contractions.  Is it going to do what it is meant to do?  I am scared today that I won't complete this last task, and end up being induced or having a c-section.  I want so bad for this to come naturally.  I don't want any drugs to 'speed' things up.  I don't want surgery.  I don't want pain medication.  I don't want it to be a procedure.  I am just nervous.

I find myself sitting and watching the clock all day.  Waiting each hour out.  I worry about the time of day my contractions may start.  Will it be in the middle of the night? Will I be able to find someone to take the kids? Will I be able to reach my husband?  I worry that it will be during the morning...who will pick up the kids from school?  How will I get them the car seats?  Will it be in the afternoon?  Where are the girls going to go?  How is Roxie going to get outside and fed?  All I do is find myself drifting off and fretting over the most frivolous of things.  It is so hard for me to not be consumed.  And the worries of Lucy, how will labor go?  Will something go wrong?  Will she be OK when she comes out? Will her heart beat normal, breath, grasp, and have all her fingers and toes? 

The anticipation is killing me.  I need this to be over so I can have my answers.  My days feel stale, I am eager to get on with this challenge. 

The refreshing part of it is getting to see her beautiful face...knowing that it has just begun.  I am ready for it.  Beyond ready.