My blogging stopped a while ago because my laptop was broken. There was no way I was going to sit in my basement and blog...it was way to cold. Now, sadly, I have noticed I missed out on capturing most of my pregnancy for me to remember. I wish I could also say that I enjoyed it.
Now that the end is near, and enjoying the comfort of my couch, I sit and think back to the last nine months. I am so ready to have her here with us. This pregnancy has been a test for me...for my patience, my body, my mind, my soul. It has been the most painful nine months of my life. And even though I marvel at my body for what it is capable of, I also am so ready to not have to share it with anyone.
The best part of this pregnancy has been feeling movement. I will miss this terribly. I love feeling every kick, hiccup, and somersault of dear Lucy's. I remember the feeling of emptiness after delivery...placing my hand upon my tummy, instinctively, and feeling nothing. Through all of this, I know I will do this. Saddened that the honor of carrying her, and providing a way into this life for her, is accomplished. And being my last pregnancy, I am also thinking of the fact that what makes me woman, is no longer needed. It has no job left to do, no feeling of purpose of creation. I will miss my ability to conceive and to carry....even though I am content in saying my family is now complete.
Surviving the last 10 days or so, will be the last leg of this journey to meet our Lucy Clementine. Even though, I am not sure I will make it, I am eager to endure.
My 39 week doctor appointment is tomorrow friends. I am hoping I hear good news. Last week at this time I was 3 cm dilated and 95% effaced. Her head was fully engaged and she even swept my membranes. Lucy is no hurry to greet the world. I have to remain patient and know that when my body is ready to let go of her, it will happen.
Until then, I am occupying my time devouring anything that gives me strength to make it through my labor and delivery. I am reading any positive letter or article that reminds me to be quiet, listen and trust my body, and to breath through every moment, until she is finally here.
I am so excited to meet her. I cannot wait to see what she looks like, how she loves, and who she becomes.
Posts
