too long of a while....

my ideas of having a fully functioning blog, for some reason, still alludes me. i read so many others, and wonder how they keep up on theirs so well. i find blogs so lovely. its as if sometimes, you are peeking in someone else's diary. i love that level of intimacy. its not on a regular basis that i would happen to talk about things that deep in a casual conversation with a friend on any given day.

so, thank goodness for blogs. they are one of those things that i just can't get enough of.

i feel so very alive in this moment. in the cycle of my awareness...it doesn't get much more intense than this. i think what triggers this, is my connection to creating things. seeing something beautiful coming from my hands makes me feel such a sense of purpose. this can translate into anything....sewing..crafting with the girls...a healthy marriage....and the most beautiful thing of all, my children. i think they are the most wonderful things i have ever created.

my sewing machine is speaking such inspiring words to me. feeling in tune with it, is...magical. sometimes i will sit and make things, and feel inept with managing the simplest things, and other times, i feel like everything that comes from it is gold.

i remember last summer having a good conversation with a new friend in my backyard who is a master of her medium. she spoke to me about redefining her artistic message. this began me on the path to finding mine. such a simple idea. everything you create, you are speaking through it. what am i trying to say with my items? are they speaking through the heart? and showcasing that in life which inspires me? i had never thought much about this. i just made things i felt were pleasing to the eye, but never felt much of owning them. this new lease on my creative journey, made me feel much more tied and involved in the things that i was making. which then made my items have much more purpose. since then, i have felt a oneness with my wares. its a direct translation of what i think is beautiful, and of the things that exist that move me.

another reason i have felt so good, is finding people to share the particular medium i work in. i have had times in the past, that i felt so archaic working with a sewing machine. i remember telling a few people that, yes, i did in fact stay home on a Saturday night and i sewed. not a whole lot of reactions from the people in my life may me feel supported. 'really? you know how to sew? who does that anymore?' but in the last 6 months i have met a whole new group of people that find that it is completely normal to own a sewing machine, and have the same passion as i do when it comes to creating things with it. i am so in LOVE with this moment. stumbling across this has seemed so monumental to me. the feeling of acceptance does wonders for my self esteem. having connections with people that share this love...just makes my heart super happy.

so, for all of these things, i feel that i am finding my creative voice. everyday i see something new that i try and translate into fabric. and each day, i engage in a solid, inspiring conversation with my sewing machine and new friends that make me feel so wonderful about it.

yay for my life right now.

yay for my sewing machine.

yoga...and longing....

so, i am loving yoga. tonight is my third class, and its simply amazing. i feel such a connection with my body, which is something i have lost having my children. most of my moments through the day consist of living for someone other than me, that i enjoy the selfish moments of yoga. i am learning a lot about how important it is to pay attention to my breathing. how breathing deep and evenly is so healing. im looking forward to tonight to reconnect with myself, breathe deeply, and work my buns off. im still in awe of how i can be standing in one position, with all muscles engaged, and be working out so intesely, without moving. its amazing. if you have never tried yoga, i highly suggest it.

tonight is also night number 6 without my husband. im having a hard time with this... it is making my apprecitation for single mothers soar. he will be off work for two days, and then will be back to work for 6 more days. i prefer days, because sleeping alone in bed is something i dont think i will ever get used to. i lay there for hours, with this feeling of waiting....but nothing happens, no one comes home....and im up at 3am, trying to convince myself that sleep is so important, but its next to impossible.

i admire my husband so much. i am thankful for him. i am lucky that i get to share the rest of my life with him. i just wish he was here! but, even tho its cliche, absence does make the heart grow fonder. when he is home....my how much i celebrate him!

but, onto a few more loads of laundry, and then off to yoga. hopefully i will come home balanced and calm and connected so that i can sleep.

:)

i wore jeans...

Today was a day for laundry and play dates...and realization.

i felt very accomplished today...laundry is almost all done. all 9 loads of it. but i do know that when i wake up, there will be more, but it is just a small yay for me.

the girls and i had a play date with lish and her girls. im sure delaney and ruby enjoyed themselves, and i needed it too. i love getting together with other girls about their age. its so interesting to see my kids get so involved with pretending. it makes me remember playing like that. what happens to adults that make us loose this gift? i wish for one day that i could honestly think i was sleeping beauty...and i ate marshmallows all day and rode a horse named buttercup. how wonderful? what an awesome escape from reality. i think that people would be happier as a whole, that we had play time. take an hour an afternoon, dress up like a princess, or ninja...and get down. i know that it would be a welcome stress reliever.

i wore jeans today too. kind of amazing for me. most of the time, i just hang out around the house in yoga pants. im a large fan of comfort, so when im going out somewhere new, with jeans on...its a big deal. so, another yay for me.

i had so many conversations with lish tonight about the kids growing up. just around the corner comes school. i have these little moments in the day, with the fact that my kids are growing up, kind of slaps me in the face.

today it was....seeing ruby in lip gloss....

nothing too substantial...but for some reason it got to me today.

questions have been brought up by them over the last couple of weeks, that have been so hard to handle. the big thing going on with my family and friends lately has been divorce. try to explain that to a three year old that its possible for people to not be in love anymore was just devastating. its sad to see a small amount of beautiful ignorance leave everyday. i knew this was inevitable, but couldnt it last a little longer? the other thing delaney has gotten curious about lately is death. what?! and how does a three year old process death? we watched the movie Up not too long ago, and in the movie, the old man's wife passes away. she asked me what that meant, and i explained to her that sometimes when people get really old, and sick, and doctors cant fix them, then they die. although not extremely sure what it means to really not see anyone anymore, she made the connection that when you get old you die. 'oh' she says. about 10 min later, on our drive home, out of the blue, she burst into tears. i asked her what was wrong and she explained to me that grandpa told her tonight that he wears glasses because he is getting old, and his eyes dont work as well anymore. upon rethinking this, she decided that grandpa was getting old, and that meant he would die soon, so she was sobbing so hard, it was hard to calm her down. i didnt know what to say....comfort was obvious, trying to explain that my dad wasnt that old, and that she didnt have to worry about that for a long time. from there, i couldnt say much else, it was just a time for her to learn this lesson about life. sitting in the front seat, helplessly looking back at my daughter, watching her eyes as she processed this, she began to look older. why do sadness and learning age you? but being born is just as normal as dieing. this began time to explain to her the importance of living so completely everyday. this is next on my list.

now, the day is over, and im in the basement, having a glass of wine, and playing online euchre. its the time to clear my head, rejuvenate, and determine myself to get through tomorrow. lead by example, and inspire her to leave a positive legacy.

Today....

Yay for today!

yay interj. used as an exclamation of pleasure, approval, elation, or victory.

i woke up this morning feeling good about today...

do you remember that feeling that you get to buy back to school supplies? picking out your favorite crayola markers, and the 300+ count of crayola crayons...and the pretty new art box to keep them in? the smell of the fresh crayons when you open the box for the first time? choosing the folders that will hold your papers, hoping that lisa frank that the cute puppies and kitties come in 5 different variations for each your class? just so exciting!

i have that kind of anticipation about today.

nothing is too different today. but, it is filled with sewing, and cleaning, and organizing. i also have my first upholstery class tonight.

i am excited to get my studio in order. its hard for me to keep my madness in order. i know that this is a room in the house that belongs to me. and i love it...

the problem is that its hard for me to find time to be in there...and its hard to keep all my supplies in order. so...i bought bookshelves and bins and containers and baskets.... this should do it. i never put anything away because then, i forget that i have it. ive always been the one to spread everything out to see what i have, but that also gets things i lost, i suppose. either way,

organization+beautiful studio=inspiring space

i cant wait to claim the space back to create.

i have also had some hard conversations with the girls this last few weeks that has been heartbreaking parenting. it makes me realize how sad it is how fast real life hits kids in the face. explanations to follow...

so pretty...

I came across this room today, and fell in love.